Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
