How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
