Christians are straight up FREAKS
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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