I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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