I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
