Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A+ Viking dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
