Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
