Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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