This girl is more easily done than said...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
