Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
