ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
