you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
