I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
