Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
