im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
