How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
