I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
