i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
