So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
