You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
