Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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