Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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