i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
