i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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