i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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