I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
