I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
