Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
