I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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