can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
