dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
