i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
