you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
