break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
