PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Randomize
