New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
