i can't believe i had my finger in that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
