Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
