im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
