i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
