giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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