How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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