That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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