you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
