I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
