So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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