Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
