great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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