i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
