you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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