just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
