if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ass is underappreciated
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
