on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
