Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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