you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
